matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
someone owes me an orgasm
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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