He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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