Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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