Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
No subtext here. People are naked.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
