woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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