I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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