Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
