i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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