Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
