At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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