its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
