I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
