I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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