3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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