tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
