apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
