My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
