She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
