So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
