shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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