If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Are we still banned from the library?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
