i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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