is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
