a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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