Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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