pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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