At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
