Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
