a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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