This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
