Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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