Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dick very happy bro
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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