if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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