Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
