I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
