I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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