I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
