I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
