Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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