i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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