He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
