it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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