is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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