I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
