whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
