Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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