dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
