all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
