I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I smell stomach acid.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I am one with the molecules
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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