i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
