just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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