Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
