dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
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I have aggressive nipples.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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