I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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