The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's never too late to be topless.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
