Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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