that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
