Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
