...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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