I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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