When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
