if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You're my little dorito
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he quoted the bible to break up with me
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
