I got chris browned last night
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
