if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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