you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Less talking, more tequila
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Pants are for mortals
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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