yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
