i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
