Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
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