I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
