He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
