i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
