lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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