I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
