New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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