Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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