Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
