Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Randomize
