I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
