Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
