dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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